Raising Two Kids

And so it begins

2010-07-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened. Twice now since we started gymnastics Aiden has mentioned later that the boys have made fun of him. Today they said he talks like a baby. I asked him what he said and apparently his reply was, "No I don't!". Good job Aiden!

I tried to be nonchalant and give him pointers, like "tell them you have a cleft palate!" Yeah right. Good job Mom! Tell your four year old to explain a cleft palate to his peers.

Then I went into the kitchen and cried.

Laying in bed just now I decided he had the right answer. I want him to say, 'NO I DON'T!" Because he doesn't.

He talks just like Aiden.

Just like he should.

I feel melodramatic, but I'm going to allow it for this evening.

Tomorrow I will approach this head on and with clarity, conviction, and calmness, I will call the teacher at the gym and ask him to keep his ears open and try to be part of those discussions when they occur. I don't want them to ignore Aiden's speech but i do hope they can be matter of fact with it. It's okay to acknowledge that his speech is different right? But not to mock, make fun of or label.

I'm not pretending that anyone even reads this, but if someone does who has experience in this particular area, I'd love to have some feedback.

This Day In...

2009-10-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

2007... look at that drool. We were sure it would never end and that we would never forget. And look at us...struggling to recall...oh yeah...he drooled non stop for 3 years! And that pink dress! She wore that dress every day until it became a shirt. I just gave it away this year.

2006...look! he's sitting with Dad! Happy! I'm sure that's a fluke. And why is he holding a bottle? That kid never used a bottle...did he?

2005...look at that beautiful girl. In yellow! Not Pink!

2004...with cousins Hannah and Bailey. Hannah's now in college and Bailey is in high school, and who is that baby girl? Carrying her teddy (boo), soon to be tossed aside for kitty, and then big boo, and then, and now, GIANT Panda.

Excuse me while I go give my kids a hug.

Reaching my Dirty Limit

2009-05-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

I have never used hand sanitizer. I just figure it helps me and the kids adapt to our environment better. Our bodies will be hardier for the lack of antiseptic standards. And truly, I've seen no ill effects from not using it.

But, yesterday, at the park. Aiden had to go to the bathroom. He doesn't stand to pee yet. We just haven't gone there yet. I don't know why. So, the park had a big permanent port a potty. We went in. He opened the lid before I could get to it, looked in, and exclaimed, "COOL!". I insisted that I would hold him and help him up, he insisted more strenuously that he would do it alone. I watched closely for signs of instability as he sat there, listening to, and reveling in, the strange sound of pee in a port a potty. I helped him get down...relieved that we were done, worrying about the germs on the seat, but done.

Aiden looked next to the toilet, saw the urinal, PLACED BOTH HANDS INSIDE OF IT, and asked, "what's this Mom?"

And then - after rushing him out of the port a potty, realizing I couldn't handle letting him play without getting his hands washed, I got him into the car, tied his hands, I mean, urged him kindly to not rub his eyes, got him home, and washed his hands - I went and got a bottle of hand sanitizer and put it in my purse.

Aiden's Obturator

2009-05-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is long in the beginning. Feel free to skip down to the actual obturator info...I give a lot of background here, and I don't claim to be an expert...just on my own son's situation.

My son was born with a bi-lateral cleft lip and palate. We adopted him from China in August of 2006. His lip was repaired in China and we have had two more surgeries here in the states to close his palate and touch up his lip. See, this is him now.

Isn't it amazing?

Every cleft is different, so I can only speak for Aiden's, but his main objective now, is to work on his speech. (We will have another surgery in 5 or 6 years, a bone graft to build his gum? line...so his teeth can grow in, he has two big holes through his gums..where the cleft was. There are holes associated with this, they're called anterior fistulas, and we are apparently not to worry about these holes and speech. )We are trying to determine if his palate is long enough and has enough muscles active in it to close during speech and allow him to make pressure sounds. It's called Velo Pharyngeal Insufficiency...if it doesn't all come together properly. or VPI. The fix for this is often surgery, called a P-flap, which will help narrow the closure area there in the back. (see, i'm really technical)

I shouldn't say trying to determine, because it's already been determined that he doesn't , have closure, I mean, he does have VPI I mean, oh you get it. ...but he does have a lot of good things going for him.

The top two things:
1. He has an active palate, so he has a lot of muscles in there...maybe with practice those muscles may learn to do what's needed.
2. He is incredibly compliant about therapy. I mean, he works his little butt off during speech, and if I ask him to work with me during the week, he's more than willing to give it a go.

So, because he's young, and he's small (3 years and 8 months, and only about 32 pounds), I didn't want to have him undergo surgery for something that is so permanent. Another option available to us was to build an obturator. The purpose of an obturator is to help the closure, and build pressure up for the 'plosive' sounds and delay surgery, and perhaps avoid it altogether. It's also a major social help, if he can speak more normally, he will, we hope, have better experiences in school and with playmates and he will have fewer negative experiences and he will continue to have positive attitudes toward therapy and blah blah blah.

Finally, here's the obturator already!

The dentist put rings on his back molars and they have little knobs on them which the wires on this obturator hook over. Not the circle, just the wire, it lifts up and rests on top the the knob.

Making the obturator took 12 visits to the fabulous dentist at Child Development and Rehabilitation Center at Dornboecher Children's Hospital.

They start out making a mold of the mouth and then make the initial retainer looking portion with no tail from the mold. They give that to you and you all get used to inserting it and wearing it. We had to go back a couple times to get it tightened as it kept falling out. They add a small tail with no bulb and give you time to get used to that...then they build the bulb little by little until it is determined that it's helping speech to the degree that they want.

Our team's speech therapist sat in on our last two appointments, she's very encouraging.

I would like to make a video demonstrating how we put it in and the difference it makes in his speech. It's not super overly obvious..but he doesn't have to work as hard to make the sounds. I've noticed he has to dial back his efforts when the obturator is in place, which is good.

Random thoughts to add about obturators:
Each one is different! I've met two other families during our appointments and apparently the tail on Aiden's is fairly short. I consider ourselves lucky about that in that he doesn't gag too much when we insert it. Other kids, especially those with a strong gag reflex, struggle quite a bit more.

The bulb gets increased by adding a chunk of some sort of wax to the existing bulb, then inserting it and letting it warm up in the mouth, then you start having the child talk and the wax forms to the mouth. The dentist then makes it permanent somehow I don't know how. It's kind of fascinating.

We used a star chart to help with compliance with insertion and I gave him good rewards, frequently. After five stars he got to pick out a video at Fred Meyer. After another five stars, he got to pick out a book at Borders, then I made him get 15 stars, and he got Wii Music. Currently, we're working on a visit to Chuck E. Cheese next week. Eventually I'll have to make it less of a reward, but for now, it's working. If he balks at all, I just ask "are we going to get a star or an X?" We've never had to give him an X.

We can't eat before inserting the obturator. If I sleep in, and my husband feeds the kids, we just don't wear it that day. (my husband won't learn how to put it in) I can tell this will change as aiden gets used to it, but for now, I'm fine with it. Once they start adding the tail at appointments, you can't eat before appointments. We learned that the hard way. Aiden threw up a LOT the first time they added the tail and we left the visit in hospital pants and a huge shirt on him. So after that Aiden had to wait until after the appointment to have breakfast so they were always in the morning. I'll leave you with a photo of him enjoying his post appointment Starbucks Chocolate Milk with whipped cream in the hospital lobby.

If you have any questions, please leave a comment and I'll try to get back to you

A Sure Sign of Spring

2009-04-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

Brian loves hammocks. We've gone through three of them. We'd still be on our first one, but the squirrels keep eating the ropes to make their nests. And in case you're wondering, these cotton hammocks make GREAT blankets when they can no longer be hung. Oh, and the kids love it too. They are sitting in it right now chatting. I think they must be pretending they're in a boat because they're talking about whales. Friendly whales. Oh, except they're going to be taken and eaten! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!

Sweet Tart Iced Tea

2009-04-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

I happened upon the perfect combination of flavors today that became my new favorite iced tea. It truly tastes like a grape-ish sweet tart. Very refreshing. Above is the happy cast of characters flanked by the daffodils my little guy likes to pick. I was making the tea while I was getting the kids dinner ready and today I was doing the lazy mom's fruit of TJoe's mandarin oranges, so I just drained the juice into the ice before I put in the hot tea.

Really. This stuff is enough to make you say yes to your kids more often.

Chan Chan. Happy Tenth Birthday!

2009-03-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful gift of some extra money through Brian's work a few weeks ago and while we were hoping to save most of it and maybe buy a grown up toy or a new appliance we discovered that perhaps the real reason we got the windfall was to pay for this little turkey's major surgery!

We knew that she wasn't feeling very well and that she was throwing up a bit more often than usual, but when I finally gathered myself and the kids together and got her to the vet, they said she had a gigantic mass in her abdomen and the words "time bomb waiting to happen" kept getting thrown around.

We were certainly thrown for a loop. The last thing we want to do is put ourselves into a fragile financial situation over an animal. At the same time though, we didn't want to toss her aside as too expensive if she could be cured with a simple operation. So, after blood tests, an ultrasound, biopsy and X-ray, it was determined that she was a good candidate for the surgery. Three days later, my high school friend, now a veterinarian, took a SIX POUND tumor out of her! AND the thing was tested and is not cancerous. So she's good to go! And so is our financial windfall!

But at least, we're not in debt the same amount...and I'm still incredibly grateful to my God for taking care of us. I guess I never considered that He cares about our pets...and I totally see this as caring about US caring about our pets. If that makes any sense.

I crave symmetry

2009-03-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

I don't consider myself as being too terribly quirky, but one thing I find myself doing compulsively tells me that I crave symmetry. Witness the egg carton above. I have to take the eggs out in a way that leaves the carton 'balanced'. And when I have to leave an odd number of eggs in the carton it pains me. I've even considered using extra eggs at times. Usually I just take a deep breath and leave the odd number though. I'm not that crazy.

2009-03-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

Faye turned 6 a few days ago and we had a big party here at home. Brian led a craft making session and it was a lot of fun to see him do that. Faye really wanted to watch Kung Fu Panda with her friends, so we made little Kung Fu Panda themed take out boxes that I had downloaded from HP Create. The kids had a good time.

This is a photo we took today. Faye received a 'decorate your own' photo frame in a birthday gift bag yesterday. She made it today with her dad and declared that she wanted to put a photo of her with MOM in it. This is unusual for her. She is much more likely to want a photo of her dad, or her grand parents etc. But not me. That's okay, I don't want to be a Mom who complains in the background about not being loved. Believe me, I have deep assurance that she loves me...but I will not lie. It did make me happy.

Amazing Grace

2009-02-19T12:26:00.000-08:00

I have been awestruck in the last hour. Finances are always tight in a one income family. We have several non pressing, but will have to get bought some day needs and lots and lots of wants. Our savings have been depleted due to medical bills and buying a new used car and things like that. We're fine. But yesterday i found myself praying for some sort of relief. Just some sort of buffer which would make us feel less 'on the edge'. I can't go into all the details, but we had a very unexpected financial gift fall into our laps today. It isn't a LOT LOT, but it's a lot. Enough to make me feel less stressed out and very much more in awe of my Father in heaven who gives exceedingly above what we ask. I don't have a magic sword I wave to get my prayers answered. And there are many prayers unanswered. But all my prayers are heard in love and grace. This I know to be true.

Nap time, I mean, QUIET TIME, excuse me!

2008-12-17T23:28:00.000-08:00

This is our life now. I think I've finally gotten Aiden to stay contentedly in his room for an hour. He still asks if he's all done, or if he can play the Wii a few times, but nothing like before. It is really good for me to have this time. I read an unparenting list which would highly disapprove of me imposing down time, but it works for me, and if Aiden sleeps, the day is soooo much more relaxed. He only sleeps about once every two weeks...but those are the best days. Few tantrums in the afternoon/evening, he's less frenetic, he's less whiney, he's more himself. He's such a good guy.

And Faye likes her quiet time. She's needed alone time since the day we met her. so she scampers into her room and toodles around. I'm not sure why she can't go in and be alone of her own initiative, but she's still young...I'm sure she will alot when she's older, and I'll miss her.

Weather Event

2008-12-17T23:04:00.000-08:00

We've had a fair bit of "weather" this week. Our local news stations are calling it the Artic Blast. (!!!!) It has been chilly and we've had snow...and the kids are enjoying it. Faye hasn't had school all week, and I doubt she'll have it Friday...which means she's out until January 5th. She's kind of sad about that. I'm not sure why they cancelled it, the main streets are very passable, but the busses have to get through the neighborhoods, and I guess in this day and age of lawsuits the district had rather be safe than sorry. Portland has some big hills and Tigard does too...our specific neighborhood and neighboring area is pretty flat so we've been able to get around in our little Toyota Rav4 (1998, happy birthday car!) with no problem. The weather 'event' is going to stay with us off and on. Staying cold and there may be freezing rain later in the week. Snow usually catches the weathermen off guard, but freezing rain, they almost always get right. I'm not privy to those intricacies, but its how i see it.

I took the kids to Marshall's today to pick out a new toy apiece. Staying in so much has been very, uhm, noisy and crazy. We've done a bit of crafts, and a lot of computer and Wii Fit. They are both really into this cool French (i'm guessing) website called Red Fish Soup. http://www.poissonrouge.com

Salsa Time Part Deux

2008-10-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

This is the rest of the story of the salsa. First you peel and seed the tomatoes. Saving all the juice you extract and boiling it down until it's thicker. Mine took for freakin' ever.

This is the juice plus the cut up tomatoes, peppers, onions and jalapenos. I didn't have a big enough pot for it all so had to try to divide it among two.

Here's the jars...finally canned.

And the ultimate reward. A tasty salsa on a chip.

To be honest, I really like this salsa recipe, it's from Allrecipes, Salsa Ninety Nine its called. But when i canned (jarred?) it I failed to boil it in water post jarring...and now I'm all worried about botulism. I've never done that before as everything I've canned before has been very acidic. This salsa does have one cup of vinegar...but given how much of everything else is in it...I dunno. But, I mean, what does boiling that canned stuff do? Everything was super hot when we canned, the lids, the necks, the jars...the salsa...all the lids suckd down within an hour...What would boiling do? Do germs enter while you ladle? So now, I'm all petrified to share my wonderful salsa. I guess it's a selfish way to keep what I like. And if you hear that we've all come down with food poisoning, you'll know why.

Bubbles!

2008-10-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a long wait for Aiden to be able to blow bubbles. He has sat through so many bubble blowing times at early intervention or with his friends where he was the only one who couldn't do it. We worked it out eventually so that he could do it with his nose plugged, but how much fun could that be? He has been working very hard at making his plosives without his nose plugged and it seems to be paying off in the bubble blowing arena also! He is so proud of himself.

Cardboard Testimonies

2008-10-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

This moved me so much. I can't get over how powerful it is. I'm thinking of all the things I could put on my own cardboard...and grieving over the thing that I wish I could put on there...I'll post my own cardboard testimony soon.

Salsa Time

2008-09-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

The CSA we belong to, Gardenripe, invites its members to come out to its farm every year to harvest 50 pounds of tomatoes, 50 jalapeno peppers, garlic and cilantro (and onions on good years, but unfortunately, not this year). All the makings for salsa.

All four of us went out yesterday, in brilliant fall weather to their farm near Mt. Angel, Oregon. The kids absolutely loved it and enthusiastically helped us fill our buckets with tomatoes and chose two big pumpkins. Faye declared that her new chosen profession when she grows up is now Farmer's Helper. I totally forgot to bring the camera and am very sad about that.

Above is our bounty and I will try to take photos of the subsequent salsa and picalilly (from the green tomatoes) that I hope to make this week.

Good Bye Friend

2008-09-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

Our neighbor has been complaining about this tree for years and finally got the owner of the property to let her pay to take it out. We will miss it.

Peaceful Afternoon

2008-09-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

There was a time, when Faye took two naps a day. When she went down to one nap, I was actually happy because then we could accomplish something together in the morning. But let me tell you this. You never, EVER want to wake her up. No. I'm serious. The house is on fire? Just close her door and call the fire department because if you woke her up before her body woke her up...well, let's just quote Mr. T. "I pity the fool". Aiden, on the other hand, has been very difficult in the nap department. I think it has taken two years for him to relax into life with a nap. Usually, we don't even try naps, I can tell they're tired, but these days, if they nap, bed time is pretty difficult. Often we'll have one or both of them pitter pattering into our bedroom every now and then to discuss the acorn they found or the fact that they just blew their nose and wanted us to know, until after we go to bed ourselves. But this day, THIS day, they were extra tired and I told them to have some quiet time in their room, and within 10 minutes they were both out. And they are adorable if I do say so myself.

What he said...

2008-09-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

2008-09-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

This little guy started preschool today. He had to miss the first day of solo school because he had a cold. When Faye and I went to pick him up. He was walking into the room where they do circle time. He walked right past both of us because he was so focused on following directions and having fun. He rocks.

He had a great day.

SNL Opener

2008-09-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

Tina Fey is hilarious as Sarah Palin. I love the Bush Doctrine line.
I can't get blogger to save the embedded version, here's a link to the video.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/palin-hillary-open/656281/

Loving Kindergarten

2008-09-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

From sept08

Faye LOVES LOVES LOVES Kindergarten. I think her favorite part is the bus. Everyone she meets is her friend. I love that. I love hearing about life through her eyes. Half the time she's so innocent and naive and incredulous and the other half of the time she's a mopey preteen rolling her eyes and sighing huge sighs at her dopey mom.

2008-09-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

Come on Internet! Get. Real. Please vote for Barack Obama.

2008-06-12T20:26:00.001-07:00

Silent Movie

2008-04-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

I WISH I had a movie of what transpired yesterday.

Here's the setup: We were trying to get Faye to do something besides play on the computer while Aiden took his nap. All possible ideas were deemed wrong wrong wrong, and she slumped off to her room. A certain sign that she will fall asleep and then stay up until 11 o'clock at night. We had a dual parental sigh.

Suddenly Faye came back in and asked her dad if they could play catch with her baseball mitt. She has never asked to do that. So they happily went out to play catch and I did the dishes, with a clear view of their endeavors.

At one point I looked up and saw Faye take the ball, twirl, and then throw the ball back. And I could lip read the words "see Dad, like that". I immediately turned my eyes to my husband to see him shaking his head and i could lip read, "no Faye, no"

Truly, it was like watching Laurel and Hardy.

Aiden Dancing

2007-08-31T14:43:00.001-07:00

Balancing Act

2007-08-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

I know its a cliche, but its so hard to resist. It's tough to balance two kids. When one is almost 2 and the other is 4.5, it's hard to be fair. When the older can listen to the younger scream for seemingly EVER and the power to stop the scream is in their hands (literally), it's hard to find a reason WHY we shouldn't just make the older give the younger what they want. Sometimes, it's clear, that my darling eldest is purposefully hording two of something that would be simple to share. Other times, it's not so simple. Did she really get to the toy first, or did she enforce an unfair/unwanted trade which is now being rebelled against? I'm beginning to see signs that we're creating a tattle tale in the younger, YIKES! That's no good.

My brother visited tonight and I was just trying to see the visit from his eyes. Wondering if he went away thinking we're pretty hard on our oldest...possibly. But we do have tougher standards for her, she's freaking four and a half! Hmmm. Just thinking out loud I guess.

yin yang personalities

2006-11-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

This is taken from Wondertime magazine, Fall 2006. The article is about saying yes to your child more often than no, and see where it takes you. I am exerpting the beginning where the author gives a marvelous description of her two girls. I can already tell that my two will be this way also. The entire article by Sandra Tsing Loh is in their archives here and is well worth a read.

As a result of our girls' yin-yang duality, our parental disciplinary style has evolved along two tracks. Madeline — Princess Fragilina — collapses into tears upon being corrected, mostly, I think, in the shock and embarrassment of the A student being awarded a B. My husband and I cannot believe the evasions that come out of our mouths. "It's not that I'm angry," Mike will murmur, in a voice so indoors it's practically in its own pillowy alcove. "It's just that while I'm eating, your sudden shrieks startle me." When, through gusty sobs, Madeline explains that she shrieked only because they were playing the running game, I'll intone with gentle Buddhist wisdom: "Well, then, let's look at that. Perhaps it's the running game that's to blame." By contrast, here's a typical speech to Susannah: "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! If you don't get down off that wall NOW, my friend, I PROMISE you you're going to FALL, crack your SKULL open, eyeballs are going to go rolling EVERYWHERE, and you know what your father and I will be doing? LAUGHING. We're going to be just standing here LAUGHING. Do you even HEAR me? NO!"

Wondertime, by the way, really surprised me by being a great read. It's put out by Disney so I wasn't envisioning a lot of content, more ads or something. But this issue was really good and I plan on subscribing to it.

Breaking the Mold

2006-11-15T21:24:00.000-08:00

I will add more detail in a bit, but wanted to make the comment that I'm finally figuring out what other parents have said all along, "It's amazing how different two kids can be."